Harry Potter: Snape and Lily dissected by a Fan :)

Time for some Harry Potter fan fiction written by me :D

I have been exploring the Lily-Snape relationship lately. The character of Severus Snape, has always intrigued me, particularly since his real story of love and sacrifice for Lily was revealed in the last book. A man known all his life, as evil and cold and heartless to all, and yes, grossly wrong in his preference of the Dark Arts (he becomes a death eater- a member of Lord Voldemort’s army of evil wizards). Also the man who spends his entire life saving the son of the only woman( person) whom he deeply loved all his life (and even after she dies)- despite the fact that she snubs his love in contempt of his Dark leanings, and goes on to marry his arch rival James Potter. That this man dedicates all his life, (and also his death) to her, makes his tale the most soul-stirring. I personally developed a strange sort of liking for him- despite his unambiguously evil traits. And so have hundreds of other Harry Potter fanatics.
Snape is one of the slimy-oily-nerdy-looking, forlorn wizard boys in Hogwarts belonging to the Slytherin House, which has bred mostly dark, evil wizards (though he is a genius at some magic subjects – and purportedly proficient in some bad magic). Needless to say, he is despised by most on the campus, including James Potter (who later goes on to marry Lily, to father the protagonist of the story, Harry Potter).
Lily and Snape have been childhood friends ( neighbours), and it was Snape who told Lily about she being a witch ( having been born to non-magic parents, she was unaware of this fact for long, unlike Snape, who always knew he was a wizard.) They are good friends throughout, and Snape is shown to harbor love for Lily since the day he observes her playing in the park, for the first time.
In contrast to the hero James Potter – who has a healthy childhood, full of family love and affection, Snape grows up in a broken home, witnessing fights and ugly scenes- and has never known the love of parents. (and may that’s partly why he grows into an extremely bitter, cold and vindictive man)
This scene takes place after a fight between James Potter and Severus Snape (the former is like the poster boy of the campus- a famous sportsperson, an arrogant hero and well, another suitor for Lily Evans. He often bullies the ‘loser’ Snape with his friends, ostensibly for Snape’s Dark leanings.) In the fight, Snape gets agitated and provoked into calling Lily a Mudblood ( a horrible word of abuse – for a wizard/witch who is not born in a wizarding family, hence considered not ‘pure’!). This provocation is due to mixed feelings of disappointment and envy towards James Potter (also his potential competitor for Lily’s affection), and Lily’s growing disapproval of his company of dark wizards.
In this scene, we see how Lily and Snape’s relationship terminates. I have used my imagination in an attempt to explore the why’s and how’s on each of their minds – w.r.t each other. Since JKR has never dealt with this aspect at all- leaving her fans at the mercy of their imagination. We really wish she had dealt with this angle a bit more- since it definitely constitutes a richly gratifying story; This, and the relationship of Lily and James (whom she detests initially, due to his ‘poster boy arrogance’, but grows to love and marry him, later)
JKR’s revelation in an interview that Lily may have married Snape instead of James Potter, had Snape not opted for the Dark side, makes their relationship ten times more interesting, and worthy of an analysis!
Again, the purpose of this exercise is not to commit the cardinal sin of trying to ‘add’ to the sacred bible in any manner! It’s more of a personal attempt at understanding the characters and the dynamics of their relationship.

*Snape is at the gate of Lily's hostel.. requesting to be forgiven for calling her a mudblood in a fit of anger*

“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not interested.”
“I’m sorry!”
“Save your breath”
It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.
“I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.”
“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just – ”
“Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily’s voice. “It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”
He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.
“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.”
“No – listen, I didn’t mean – ”
“ – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”
He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole…
(here, I change the scene.. Lily does not go away yet. She stays)
“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.”
“No – listen, I didn’t mean – ”
“ – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”
“Because.”, he replied, with prompt assertion. ‘Just because.’
Lily, her face contorted in pained anger, repeated his words, to drive in the sheer absurdity. “Just because?” “So are you telling me Sev, that you expect me to sit pretty, at peace with you, with myself.. after watching you harm innocent souls, for no rhyme or reason. To let you hurt others, play with human lives, and defy every single norm of civil human existence, and blindly smile it all away?”

The intensity of his gaze, which had a hint of soft earnestness a while back, seemed to be replaced with a piercing shot exuding pain.
“Innocent souls..” , he repeated, brushing aside the notion almost contemptuously. “They are not innocent souls, Lily. None of them is. Everybody gets what they deserve- I wish I could show you their real faces; The truth of cowardly weakness and sheer incompetence, under the garb of innocence."

She had been taking in all his words, eyebrows slightly arched – a look of resignation and contempt on her face. “I do not even wish to comprehend what theory you have been feeding your mind with- to justify your guilty pleasures-”

He cut through her words, without registering the message. “You do not understand this- you are too clean in heart, too pure of soul, to see what people are capable of. What they deserve. It’s a game they are all playing between themselves- all the time! Me and my friends get brandished as ‘evil’, because we beat them at it. You think any of these people wouldn’t want to enjoy the power, the victory over any of us if given a chance? It’s just that we don’t give them the chance. The Dark Lord and his able followers are rising in power way above them, and they are scared for their lives.”

Strained by what she felt were his lethally bizarre notions about life and the world, Lily’s arms unfolded, and moved behind. She leaned against the wall for support; Somewhere, she realised, the physical gesture reflected a sudden desire to distance herself from Snape: From his words, from his figure. From his life. He did not seem to notice this, however; He continued speaking breathlessly, to convey the fierce conviction in the correctness of his belief.

“Don’t you remember your muggle sister? I could bet my life she would cheer for joy, if you were to be pained in return for every good thing in her life. She hated you for your talent, for the fact of your superiority in every aspect! She hated you for what was good in you, Lily. You think people like that deserve ‘justice’? Half the ‘victims’ you feel sorry for, would secretly rejoice in sadistic pleasure, when those around them go through the same torture. I can bet my life that if it were not for the inhibition of rules, students here would settle all their scores with rampant use of the dark arts. But no one has the guts to own up to this reality, do they! The Dark Lord and his followers do. The others are too weak to win over the greatest and the most powerful, and so they make a hue and cry about his ascension to power- to stop him, to prevent their defeat. You think such existence deserves ‘justice’? To reward them for what? – their weakness? Coz they surely do not have real ‘good’ to be rewarded for.”

She looked into his eyes incredulously, as though hoping to find an answer there.. what had gone wrong.. and, why!
“Do you realize that I am one of the ‘people’? If all people are sinful and undeserving of justice, why use different parameters for me? My existence possesses the additional evil of being muggle born, doesn’t it?”

Snape’s face flinched as though her words had served a whiplash against it.
“You are not.. them, Lily” He stammered in an effort to string his words together. The stuttering betrayed the fact that even the thoughts were not - strung, in the first place. “There are some … good .. souls .. rare.. I concede that we may hurt some of them in the process. But it can’t be helped- call them the inevitable damages of war..or whatever you may.”

“Splendid logic!” her voice was sharply sarcastic, and thick with disdain.
Smiling wryly at her sarcastic indifference to the hint of warm affection his words bore for her, he inched closer to her; Lily did not withdraw. She was not sure whom she could see advancing closer to her- the young boy who seemed to have no dreams bigger than a world of magic where they lived happily, playing and laughing together. Or a cold, vindictive man with an aim no higher than to avenge an undefined wrong, against some unidentified force.
“But, I will never let you suffer for all that is wrong in this world, you know. I will protect you, always. Till I draw the last breath of my life. Always, Lily”, he said softly.

His left hand was positioned fiercely against the wall, across her. Yet, his words were not fierce, but sounded like a soft plea; and a promise that yearned for the reward of faith in its spirit. And for a moment, she felt her knees go weak, and her heart, numb. She slowly slid down, and sat herself on the floor- every movement a painful effort; He followed, and assumed the position beside her, as though expecting some response, though hardly anticipating much merit in whatever it would be.

“I wish I had never known you. You are too far on the path of evil for me to not abhor your existence; And too closely connected with my life, for me to not be hurt by my abhorrence.”

“I thought we were best friends. Since always. And forever…”

“Best Friends? What do you expect of me as a Friend, Severus? Good wishes..? Prayers… that you may get everything that you desire … everything that makes you happy? I cannot bring myself to do that! What you seem to desire, what seems to give you pleasure, sends a shiver down my spine, Severus. And shoots a stroke of guilt in my heart. Because I find myself making excuses to me, for what you are.. I find myself attempting to lie to my own conscience about you. And I am ashamed of me. I’m disgusted with myself. Thanks to you! And your.. ‘Friendship’.”

Snape, who had been taking in every whiplash of a word from her, with alert attention, now blinked slowly. He drew a deep breath, as though to say something in his defence; but then, having quit the idea, added what was to be the final message.
“You will never understand me, Lily. No one ever has. I never got my due honour in life, you know. I fight my battles alone. But, fight I will. Even if they get me at the end, I will have earned honor, in death. ”

Though he had affected a tone of finality and farewell, his manner and haunting look in the eyes betrayed a yearning for comfort, for hearing and justice from the quarter where it counted the most.

Lily got up to her feet, steady and sure. She had reached a conclusion about the man who stood before her; And about their relationship, which had, in its early days, shown promise of a bond of lasting love and trust. It was an easy choice of the right and just, over the unreasonable and unjust.

“There is no excuse for evil, Severus. No kind of insecurities, failures, problems or challenges in life will justify hurting those who haven’t imposed the same on you. My only tribute to our former friendship would be if I could help you see reason some day- even if I must serve as your ‘damages of war’. I only hope, by then, it’s not too late for you to make amends.”

With this, she turned and briskly climbed back through the portrait hole.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lily does end up serving as the ‘damages of war’ – Lord Voldemort kills her and James Potter, while their son miraculously survives ( Lily dies protecting him, with an old piece of magic.) This loss breaks Severus Snape, who then vows to protect her son against the Dark Lord, for as long as he can (his tribute to his love for her)
In a way then, both Lily and Snape kept their word to each other.
The way I see it, Snape has developed a lethally negative psychology, mostly due to his adverse childhood circumstances. He has grown up with a feeling of being victimised and wronged from all sides, and has taken to venting his frustration recklessly everywhere. This is taken to an extreme where he begins using this as an excuse for everything that he choses to do, for selfish interest. Hence, his arguments lack coherent logic or rationality, but he will always use the same line of defence for justifying everything he does. This is something that Lily ultimately recognizes during this conversation, and takes the final call.
Umm …I kind of understand this psychology now, having seen glimpses of it quite closely in real people.
I still have to work out HOW JKR claims Lily could have possibly loved Snape enough to marry him- even minus the choice of becoming a death eater. He would still have been a slimy, mean-looking, sulky, anti social kind of an insecure person, with a lot of baggage, and explicit interest in dark magic!
Before I forget, need to work out Ron and Hermione’s angle too – Stella and I discussed this at length, the other day. ( Stella is a dear friend, and co-HP fanatic I first met at the bus stop :D during JMC days..) Anyhow.. both of us are pretty hassled attempting to figure out .. given their personality traits, HOW and WHY would Hermione and Ron pick each other ( especially, the former falling for the latter!) …

Opening picture ( picked from web-creation of some HP fan) : Severus Snape looking into the famous magical Mirror of Erised ( reverse for ‘DESIRE’) – which shows a person what they truly deeply desire in life, in the reflection. Here we can see Severus Snape looking into the mirror, and he sees himself with Lily Evans :) Awww… fantastic fan art I’d say! :D :D

Cheers n God Bless!