Harry Potter: Snape and Lily dissected by a Fan :)

Time for some Harry Potter fan fiction written by me :D

I have been exploring the Lily-Snape relationship lately. The character of Severus Snape, has always intrigued me, particularly since his real story of love and sacrifice for Lily was revealed in the last book. A man known all his life, as evil and cold and heartless to all, and yes, grossly wrong in his preference of the Dark Arts (he becomes a death eater- a member of Lord Voldemort’s army of evil wizards). Also the man who spends his entire life saving the son of the only woman( person) whom he deeply loved all his life (and even after she dies)- despite the fact that she snubs his love in contempt of his Dark leanings, and goes on to marry his arch rival James Potter. That this man dedicates all his life, (and also his death) to her, makes his tale the most soul-stirring. I personally developed a strange sort of liking for him- despite his unambiguously evil traits. And so have hundreds of other Harry Potter fanatics.
Snape is one of the slimy-oily-nerdy-looking, forlorn wizard boys in Hogwarts belonging to the Slytherin House, which has bred mostly dark, evil wizards (though he is a genius at some magic subjects – and purportedly proficient in some bad magic). Needless to say, he is despised by most on the campus, including James Potter (who later goes on to marry Lily, to father the protagonist of the story, Harry Potter).
Lily and Snape have been childhood friends ( neighbours), and it was Snape who told Lily about she being a witch ( having been born to non-magic parents, she was unaware of this fact for long, unlike Snape, who always knew he was a wizard.) They are good friends throughout, and Snape is shown to harbor love for Lily since the day he observes her playing in the park, for the first time.
In contrast to the hero James Potter – who has a healthy childhood, full of family love and affection, Snape grows up in a broken home, witnessing fights and ugly scenes- and has never known the love of parents. (and may that’s partly why he grows into an extremely bitter, cold and vindictive man)
This scene takes place after a fight between James Potter and Severus Snape (the former is like the poster boy of the campus- a famous sportsperson, an arrogant hero and well, another suitor for Lily Evans. He often bullies the ‘loser’ Snape with his friends, ostensibly for Snape’s Dark leanings.) In the fight, Snape gets agitated and provoked into calling Lily a Mudblood ( a horrible word of abuse – for a wizard/witch who is not born in a wizarding family, hence considered not ‘pure’!). This provocation is due to mixed feelings of disappointment and envy towards James Potter (also his potential competitor for Lily’s affection), and Lily’s growing disapproval of his company of dark wizards.
In this scene, we see how Lily and Snape’s relationship terminates. I have used my imagination in an attempt to explore the why’s and how’s on each of their minds – w.r.t each other. Since JKR has never dealt with this aspect at all- leaving her fans at the mercy of their imagination. We really wish she had dealt with this angle a bit more- since it definitely constitutes a richly gratifying story; This, and the relationship of Lily and James (whom she detests initially, due to his ‘poster boy arrogance’, but grows to love and marry him, later)
JKR’s revelation in an interview that Lily may have married Snape instead of James Potter, had Snape not opted for the Dark side, makes their relationship ten times more interesting, and worthy of an analysis!
Again, the purpose of this exercise is not to commit the cardinal sin of trying to ‘add’ to the sacred bible in any manner! It’s more of a personal attempt at understanding the characters and the dynamics of their relationship.

*Snape is at the gate of Lily's hostel.. requesting to be forgiven for calling her a mudblood in a fit of anger*

“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not interested.”
“I’m sorry!”
“Save your breath”
It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.
“I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.”
“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just – ”
“Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily’s voice. “It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”
He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.
“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.”
“No – listen, I didn’t mean – ”
“ – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”
He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole…
(here, I change the scene.. Lily does not go away yet. She stays)
“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.”
“No – listen, I didn’t mean – ”
“ – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”
“Because.”, he replied, with prompt assertion. ‘Just because.’
Lily, her face contorted in pained anger, repeated his words, to drive in the sheer absurdity. “Just because?” “So are you telling me Sev, that you expect me to sit pretty, at peace with you, with myself.. after watching you harm innocent souls, for no rhyme or reason. To let you hurt others, play with human lives, and defy every single norm of civil human existence, and blindly smile it all away?”

The intensity of his gaze, which had a hint of soft earnestness a while back, seemed to be replaced with a piercing shot exuding pain.
“Innocent souls..” , he repeated, brushing aside the notion almost contemptuously. “They are not innocent souls, Lily. None of them is. Everybody gets what they deserve- I wish I could show you their real faces; The truth of cowardly weakness and sheer incompetence, under the garb of innocence."

She had been taking in all his words, eyebrows slightly arched – a look of resignation and contempt on her face. “I do not even wish to comprehend what theory you have been feeding your mind with- to justify your guilty pleasures-”

He cut through her words, without registering the message. “You do not understand this- you are too clean in heart, too pure of soul, to see what people are capable of. What they deserve. It’s a game they are all playing between themselves- all the time! Me and my friends get brandished as ‘evil’, because we beat them at it. You think any of these people wouldn’t want to enjoy the power, the victory over any of us if given a chance? It’s just that we don’t give them the chance. The Dark Lord and his able followers are rising in power way above them, and they are scared for their lives.”

Strained by what she felt were his lethally bizarre notions about life and the world, Lily’s arms unfolded, and moved behind. She leaned against the wall for support; Somewhere, she realised, the physical gesture reflected a sudden desire to distance herself from Snape: From his words, from his figure. From his life. He did not seem to notice this, however; He continued speaking breathlessly, to convey the fierce conviction in the correctness of his belief.

“Don’t you remember your muggle sister? I could bet my life she would cheer for joy, if you were to be pained in return for every good thing in her life. She hated you for your talent, for the fact of your superiority in every aspect! She hated you for what was good in you, Lily. You think people like that deserve ‘justice’? Half the ‘victims’ you feel sorry for, would secretly rejoice in sadistic pleasure, when those around them go through the same torture. I can bet my life that if it were not for the inhibition of rules, students here would settle all their scores with rampant use of the dark arts. But no one has the guts to own up to this reality, do they! The Dark Lord and his followers do. The others are too weak to win over the greatest and the most powerful, and so they make a hue and cry about his ascension to power- to stop him, to prevent their defeat. You think such existence deserves ‘justice’? To reward them for what? – their weakness? Coz they surely do not have real ‘good’ to be rewarded for.”

She looked into his eyes incredulously, as though hoping to find an answer there.. what had gone wrong.. and, why!
“Do you realize that I am one of the ‘people’? If all people are sinful and undeserving of justice, why use different parameters for me? My existence possesses the additional evil of being muggle born, doesn’t it?”

Snape’s face flinched as though her words had served a whiplash against it.
“You are not.. them, Lily” He stammered in an effort to string his words together. The stuttering betrayed the fact that even the thoughts were not - strung, in the first place. “There are some … good .. souls .. rare.. I concede that we may hurt some of them in the process. But it can’t be helped- call them the inevitable damages of war..or whatever you may.”

“Splendid logic!” her voice was sharply sarcastic, and thick with disdain.
Smiling wryly at her sarcastic indifference to the hint of warm affection his words bore for her, he inched closer to her; Lily did not withdraw. She was not sure whom she could see advancing closer to her- the young boy who seemed to have no dreams bigger than a world of magic where they lived happily, playing and laughing together. Or a cold, vindictive man with an aim no higher than to avenge an undefined wrong, against some unidentified force.
“But, I will never let you suffer for all that is wrong in this world, you know. I will protect you, always. Till I draw the last breath of my life. Always, Lily”, he said softly.

His left hand was positioned fiercely against the wall, across her. Yet, his words were not fierce, but sounded like a soft plea; and a promise that yearned for the reward of faith in its spirit. And for a moment, she felt her knees go weak, and her heart, numb. She slowly slid down, and sat herself on the floor- every movement a painful effort; He followed, and assumed the position beside her, as though expecting some response, though hardly anticipating much merit in whatever it would be.

“I wish I had never known you. You are too far on the path of evil for me to not abhor your existence; And too closely connected with my life, for me to not be hurt by my abhorrence.”

“I thought we were best friends. Since always. And forever…”

“Best Friends? What do you expect of me as a Friend, Severus? Good wishes..? Prayers… that you may get everything that you desire … everything that makes you happy? I cannot bring myself to do that! What you seem to desire, what seems to give you pleasure, sends a shiver down my spine, Severus. And shoots a stroke of guilt in my heart. Because I find myself making excuses to me, for what you are.. I find myself attempting to lie to my own conscience about you. And I am ashamed of me. I’m disgusted with myself. Thanks to you! And your.. ‘Friendship’.”

Snape, who had been taking in every whiplash of a word from her, with alert attention, now blinked slowly. He drew a deep breath, as though to say something in his defence; but then, having quit the idea, added what was to be the final message.
“You will never understand me, Lily. No one ever has. I never got my due honour in life, you know. I fight my battles alone. But, fight I will. Even if they get me at the end, I will have earned honor, in death. ”

Though he had affected a tone of finality and farewell, his manner and haunting look in the eyes betrayed a yearning for comfort, for hearing and justice from the quarter where it counted the most.

Lily got up to her feet, steady and sure. She had reached a conclusion about the man who stood before her; And about their relationship, which had, in its early days, shown promise of a bond of lasting love and trust. It was an easy choice of the right and just, over the unreasonable and unjust.

“There is no excuse for evil, Severus. No kind of insecurities, failures, problems or challenges in life will justify hurting those who haven’t imposed the same on you. My only tribute to our former friendship would be if I could help you see reason some day- even if I must serve as your ‘damages of war’. I only hope, by then, it’s not too late for you to make amends.”

With this, she turned and briskly climbed back through the portrait hole.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lily does end up serving as the ‘damages of war’ – Lord Voldemort kills her and James Potter, while their son miraculously survives ( Lily dies protecting him, with an old piece of magic.) This loss breaks Severus Snape, who then vows to protect her son against the Dark Lord, for as long as he can (his tribute to his love for her)
In a way then, both Lily and Snape kept their word to each other.
The way I see it, Snape has developed a lethally negative psychology, mostly due to his adverse childhood circumstances. He has grown up with a feeling of being victimised and wronged from all sides, and has taken to venting his frustration recklessly everywhere. This is taken to an extreme where he begins using this as an excuse for everything that he choses to do, for selfish interest. Hence, his arguments lack coherent logic or rationality, but he will always use the same line of defence for justifying everything he does. This is something that Lily ultimately recognizes during this conversation, and takes the final call.
Umm …I kind of understand this psychology now, having seen glimpses of it quite closely in real people.
I still have to work out HOW JKR claims Lily could have possibly loved Snape enough to marry him- even minus the choice of becoming a death eater. He would still have been a slimy, mean-looking, sulky, anti social kind of an insecure person, with a lot of baggage, and explicit interest in dark magic!
Before I forget, need to work out Ron and Hermione’s angle too – Stella and I discussed this at length, the other day. ( Stella is a dear friend, and co-HP fanatic I first met at the bus stop :D during JMC days..) Anyhow.. both of us are pretty hassled attempting to figure out .. given their personality traits, HOW and WHY would Hermione and Ron pick each other ( especially, the former falling for the latter!) …

Opening picture ( picked from web-creation of some HP fan) : Severus Snape looking into the famous magical Mirror of Erised ( reverse for ‘DESIRE’) – which shows a person what they truly deeply desire in life, in the reflection. Here we can see Severus Snape looking into the mirror, and he sees himself with Lily Evans :) Awww… fantastic fan art I’d say! :D :D

Cheers n God Bless!

Farewell!

Helllllllow people!
It is just so difficult to believe that an year has passed since we bid goodbye to our seniors .. I mean, the night I wrote the post on that occasion is still as clear in my mind as would be yesterday! I donot like clichés, that’s right.. but oh, Time DOES seem to fly!
We received our farewell on March 16- quite a grand affair, I’d say. Though the fact that we had a company visiting campus the next day, was a fun-spoiler; while some of us were up chit-chatting till 5:30 in the morning… many others retired to bed early :-(
And our grand plans of holding a chen music-gathering or at least a fun games gathering all night were pooh pooh-ed :-( It was something of a dharam-sankat though, when on 16th morning, Amit brought us the news of who all were shortlisted for the company next day (his own name missing from the list :-/) Ironically, while one was happy for the ones shortlisted, my first response was .. “haw… we won’t be able to have fun tonight .. !” .. To which, Amit replied (promptly) .. “why not… we’ll stay up all night… we’ll have fun” … “Errm..” I repeated (knocking some sensitivity into the discussion- comeon, how does it feel if all your friends are enjoying a rare farewell moment, while you are trying to get some courtesy sleep- for a godforsaken interview the next day!!) … “Comeon ya, yeh log nahi honge na …hum kaise enjoy karenge” …
To which, he replies..(a note of protest) “arre toh kya hua .. yeh achcha hai .. shortlist bhi na ho pao.. aur enjoy bhi mat karo :( ” :O :O .. Well, point well taken!
Screw these schedules sometimes… things just don’t fit!
Anywho… the farewell was a good affair. We added some good spice to the night with the photo session of course. No no.. not your boring ‘fake pose- fake smile’ photos naah! .. We are a creative lot. We are a fun lot :D .. sooo we had lots n lots of creative n fun shots… :D … We took snaps for various permutations n combinations.. Sample these :
—
It began with (People shouting) Hey.. all girls … all guys, now…. All Commercies, all Arts-ies.. All DU-ites.. ( which effectively meant kicking out farji or part- DU-ites such as karishma etc :P) , all DU-and allied ( meant, including those previously mentioned) ..then, what was supposed to be the ‘HR Summit team’ … ( eventually infiltrated by every other single soul in the batch.. :)), ‘Empezar team’ ( again, the same story) .. and then, the classifications got crazier… The stage-cum platform was one freakin’ open photo studio with a dozen cameras clicking @ 30 pix per minute .. the camerapersons practically jumping from one ‘mood-group’ to another, at their beck n call!! ..
The category snaps were followed by pose snaps … aah … from A-The-Awasthey-Pose ( which basically had all of us – chanting – ‘A-The-A-The’ :D :P , to Bhuppu pose ( right hand on the neck-collar, left pointing outwards), to Sud. Suri Pose - … [Our SAP prof… We have created a comic character SAP-MAN after him.. Meggs ( my co creator) might want to be the first one to blog about that one though] .. , to Vijaya Pose .. to Mamta Ma’am pose ( an expressionless, deadpan face- with a hint of mamta on it ;) )..
That was followed by the dance party of course… which by the way, is not the same fun as last year … coz our new warden has acted really geeky all year, n put a time limit – of 1 o clock … ! .. Gawwdd.. even during the dance party .. I kept getting flashes of our seniors’ farewell … *spooky* .. I’m such a Flashback person, I tell you!
Errm .. though.. major point of difference.. our seniors were pretty senti and some of them cried bucket loads .. I kept taking breaks between the dance n asking people .. when are we gonna start crying … n u know … acting all ‘goin-away-ish’ :D :D … See, I knew- the cold fish that I am, I was not going to cry; still, I do like the karan johar movie stuff :D … ( hate me.. hate me)
Finally, Mansi did the honours…and a couple of others… :D :D I dun like to see Mansi cry though … :-/ anywho.. she did .. at which point, we decided to move out n get some fresh air!
Ummm …. One weird problem at such moments is … there are ‘groups of friends’ everywhere, and during the last few moments .. you want to be with all … steal time with all ! … (not to mention, the weird traitor feeling you get everytime you are with one group – and not with the other)!
Ooh… there was this very nice token we were given … A huge poster containing a collage of our pix in the last 2 years (life at IMI – batch of 2007-09) .. anddd a huge white Hanky (and a sketch pen!...)
While the dumb me started jumping about telling the organizers that hankies are supposed to be a baddie gift… I was shown the sketch pen … ! So, we were supposed to circulate the hanky around and take farewell messages from friends ..
Well.. this was some scene …as by this time ( 3-ish I think) .. most of the people were high – in spirits or on spirits – but high nonetheless .. :D … we were in the amphitheater ( Do I need to mention that I threw a fit to get my sketch pen replaced .. (yellow!! .. how was I supposed to get comments from people In yellow!!) .. then … lost the new sketchpen ( somebody stole it!) ..n then minutes later .. lost the entire kit ( minus the hanky which was with me) .. I did suck up to the organizers n got a replacement tho! :D ..
Okay .. and two amusing tiny moments .. in brief ..
1. Nirmalya comes around looking most jobless amongst us all … I thrust my hanky into his hands. Write on mine.. He takes it obediently. Moments later … I discover him empty handed …:O ..
Junta busy exchanging messages ..
ME ( wailing): “Where did you keep my hanky?!”…
Nirmalya( lost): “What hanky!”
Me ( whining) : My hanky … my hanky!! I gave it to you …
Nirmalya (now I notice- rather struggling to stand steady on his feet) .. : No, you did not.
Me: (shooting annoyed looks)- WHERE IS MY HANKY!!!
(spot it on the grass…) : Here it is!.. see you threw it around!!
Nirmalya (now affectionately examining the hanky with eyes wide open- and a dazed look): Nice Hanky yaar!! ….
LOLOLOL!!
Goes on: “I’ll write this message only”…
and then he did! .. So, ladies n gentlemen, my first farewell message … “ Dear Shruti..Nice Hanky yaar!”
:D :D …
[I shared this amusing story with Meggs .. and she seemed to think that I am easily amusable – IF that’s a word at all!] …
2. This one… I laughed at it ( n my state) for hrs
So we are all doing good … talking etc .. n for some reason .. and one ‘junior’ did something funny… errm this JUNIOR technically, is several years my senior and several feet taller … and well, I have to stretch my neck while talking to him- and get this automatic respectful feeling of junior-ity always! I never realized the irony in our equation until he did this …
Sajjal was leaving … so they said stuff to each other .. like .. u know .. “okay, dude, had a nice time with you! …” *Junior now turning to me .. in the same spirit*
Picture this: .. hand over my head … like one deals with a little kid jumping around like an overwound toy ..looking 3 feet down… to meet my level …
“Nahi seriously Shruti, had a very nice time with you … It was great having you around as a SENIOR!” .. :O :O …
(Me .. looking 3 feet up ..) … “Really!!” … And this was perhaps the most memorable message I have gotten in the past few months … I kept laughing at the irony of this scene for hours.. and of course later.. eventually, even Ajay JUNIOR and Co. saw the humor and laughed along :D :D
PS. Like every good thing is ruined by some small odd bit of development, so was this night. I categorically recall having had such a disappointment at the seniors’ farewell as well! .. Someone has to say or do something, that would add bad taste!
It didn’t last long though. Gave it a pass. In times like these, it really does feel good to know that we are moving away. Too much of anything is bad. And people …. Don’t get me started on people. People suck. BIGTIME. I know you and I are people too. And so, yeah! We do suck. Big time! It’s just that people can be fun too. And some can be real special. So that kinda compensates for the sucker-moments.
But, Oh am I glad we are moving apart.
Sure, we’ll have memories. We might even yearn for the good times spent here.
Sure, we’ll have difficult times ahead. Who knows, life could be ten times more ugly outside of the B- School. But, heck! We won’t know until we move on, right! And life ahead will have it’s own charm, along with the flipside (like life in a B-School did).
Partings are well made. Specially, partings like these. I say this, at least for me.
Will write again soon. A real post, and not such a random account of a day’s event.

So long! :-)